One Step: Post #4

I don't wanna be sad about this anymore.
I won't deny it. I'm feeling much better now. I believe that it is for the best and I'm grateful to Allah for ridding me of this.
I still wonder though, those people who had it in for me, who worked so hard to make this happen, are they happy now?
Wound is still fresh. Pain is less though. Alhamdulilah.
Dear Allah, what comes around goes around right, so is it okay if I ask to see karma hit them so hard soon, while I'm still hurting? I'm afraid I might enjoy it though. Would that make me evil? Sigh

One Step: Post #3

Starting over is never easy but to have to start over abruptly, unexpectedly, or against your will makes it even harder.

I would be lying if I said that I didn't see this coming. I truly and honestly SO DID. I just worked so hard, prayed even harder to prevent it. Truth is, by the time I realized this was bound to happen, I was in so deep. I was in love like I was never before. I have already pictured and painted my happy forever after. I have already adjusted my life and my dreams to be with him. I just couldn't lose all this, and definitely did not want to lose HIM.

Now I realized how stupid I was. How naive. How utterly delusional.
There is no such thing as fairy tales. There is no happy forever after. There is no unconditional love (PS: except the one you get from family)

Love is not blind. We are; and I for one was completely blinded with love.

When we fall truly in love the way I did, we willingly become blind to all the imperfections. We make excuses. We let things slide. We even lie to ourselves and guess what, we end up believing those lies.

You know the worst part?
Loving someone so much that it hurts and not getting the same in return.

I'll be honest. I'm glad it's over.
It was never gonna work. I was made into a person that I no longer recognize. I forced myself to keep up with all the BS thinking that one day it'll pay off. That he will realize that I did it all for us but I was wrong. So very completely wrong.

I usually not wish to take thing back, no matter how bad they are but if I had one wish right now, it would be for me to never have known him or any of the evil people that are somehow linked to him. I wish to have never fallen in love with him. I wish to never have given so much love, care, and time. I wish to have just been me against the world. I was fine on my own. Why did he have to ruin it all?

One last thing. Nobody is perfect and karma is a bitch واللي على راسه بطحة، يتحسسها

One Step: Post#2

I still feel numb. Its so quiet inside my head. No movements, no thoughts; just plain emptiness. It feels so blank, so empty.
Like a circle, I can't find a beginning or an end. I just sit right there and wonder.
I feel like I'm looking for something. At first, I wasn't sure what but I think now I know. I'm searching for myself. I'm searching for my soul that I have lost.
I'm so excited to find it because honestly, I'm not enjoying this numbness. I want to feel alive again. I want to be able to feel "hope". I miss that.

1 Step: Post# 1

Hard times inspire me.

I’ve written my finest pieces in my times of despair. I haven’t written in a while, not because my life has been one good day after another, but because I’ve been too overwhelmed. I hadn’t had time to breathe, to just sit there and absorb it all in. I guess I finally got my break and I must say, I do not like it.

Its like past year was a blur. All I know is one day I was happy and dreaming about a bright future and then this one day was over. Its another day now and I do not like it. It’s a bad day. It’s a horrible day. It’s a sad day.

I know its just a day, but I can’t wait for it to be over. There is just way too much misery in this day; too much heart ache; too much disappointment.

I pray for a better day. A day where my tears aren’t ready to escape my eyes every second of the day. A day where I can smile and say I’m okay and actually mean it. A day when my heart is alive again.

I have complete faith that this day will come; I do. I just pray it comes soon because my heart, as dead as it feels to me, is aching so much and I’m just tired of feeling this way. I wish it would just all go away and disappear like it never happened.

I wish I could breathe again because right now I feel suffocated. There is not enough oxygen in the universe to end this hunger for air.